Twitter Love

I've recently started dating someone from Twitter.  On this day seven weeks ago I was waiting at Ely Railway Station to meet him for the first time.  Ely is quite a scary place at the best of the times, located as it is in on the edge of the Fens.  Forget for a moment its magnificent cathedral and let's concentrate instead on the names that the people of that mysterious watery expanse that stretches up from Cambridgeshire into Lincolnshire even give themselves: potato heads and yellow bellies.  Think of a medieval Low Countries painting of ruddy faced peasants who had been at the ale and mead, add webbed feet, and we've got a reasonably accurate depiction of the scene in the station.  As I have tweeted before, the Fens give me the willies - and not in a good way, either.

Ely Station, 13 May 2012

Into this strange setting stepped a very handsome, strapping young man that I'd been following for about 6 months on Twitter.  We had had conversations by @ messages, followed by DM (direct message officially, but also known as "Do Me" or the dark room of Twitter, by some...)  We had moved on to swapping mobile phone numbers, progressed from texts to Whatsapp direct messaging, Skype video linked, and finally actually spoken by mobile.  This is the modern day progression: a strict set of electronic etiquette that is as rigidly adhered to as any set of rules the Habsburgs might have dreamed up in the 18th century for how one behaved at court.

We had a very good idea of who the other guy was.  Nonetheless, was this all a bit weird?  We'd arranged to spend 5 days together.  I'd been terribly grown up and responsible, emailing a copy of my driving licence over with my address on it, insisting he leave it with a friend, to hopefully allay his fears I wasn't some random axe-murderer and he might never be seen again [this no doubt had completely the opposite effect and totally put him on edge. Oh well, seemed a sensible idea at the time].  We knew we got on as friends: we both said, well if we don't fancy each other we'll just get drunk every day and have a laugh.  Yet STILL: this was a blind date to a large extent.

Twitter As A Place To Find "Someone"

Or was it?  Is Twitter in fact an excellent place to find a special someone?  When I think about personal ads in newspapers, I'm aware that the information available is so incredibly limited that you really might as well go up to a random stranger in a bar.   Yes, you may get some information about interests and to some extent the "type" of person is narrowed down if they are advertising somewhere like Guardian Soulmates.  Then there are "dating sites" for gay men such as Gaydar and Grindr.  There is no question that whatever they pretend, the incredibly strong subtext is about meeting for sex.  You create an image that you would like to project of yourself and the "selection" that goes on is 90% about the photos you swap, ignoring how out of date, flattering or outright misleading they might be.  I know guys who have met through Grindr and it has led to happy relationships, but for me there is little question what the motivation is for the vast bulk of people who use the app.

With Twitter, on the other hand, you have something quite unique.  Of course everyone projects to some extent a personality that they would like others to have of them.  Some people in fact manage to project an entirely fake personality and thousands fall for it.... click here for the weird and wonderful story of Lord Credo if you aren't familiar with it.

Real or Fake? Twitter -generally- does the job

However, in the vast majority of cases, it is very difficult to not be yourself if you are a regular user of Twitter.  You don't just post things that you want people to read: you get caught up in conversations and interactions that can be very rapid and spontaneous.  Unlike a medium where there is just one-on-one interaction (e.g. Grindr) you get a far better picture of someone's true personality through these conversations.  It's a bit like someone taking you out to dinner and being utterly charming to you, but then behaving like a total shit to the waiter.  They might be making an effort with you right now, no doubt because they want to get in your pants, but seeing them behave like that to someone else should ring alarm bells.  You will likely be on the receiving end of that at some point.

With Twitter, is possible for anyone to look at your timeline and to see how anyone is with other people.  This is both with strangers and with people that you know as well, because the social networking element of the site of course means that you will often have mutual Twitter friends.  If they are talking crap there will always be someone who will see it and call them out on it.  It is a very public medium and one in which it is quite hard to maintain a fake persona unless you are absolutely determined to and put an awful lot of effort into it.

Lots of people on Twitter also blog.  Whilst this is again, to a large extent, something that is "controlled" and puts out a personality you would like to project about yourself, it can still tell you loads about a person.  If, like me, you are very open about your feelings and things that have happened in your life, a reader can in the space of an afternoon find out a mass of information on you that gives a depth to your personality and character that will not come out in a personal ad or even through going on several dates.

The last important thing is of course that Twitter is not a dating site.  It represents a wide range of things to different people, but 99.9% it does not exist to hook up with people.  People on there are not out to find a date or a partner: it is a place to be more generally sociable, to exchange views, to access information or to goof about.  This for me actually makes it a far more likely place that you will meet someone special if you are "on the market" to do so.  Introductions through friends and general social interaction always struck me as by far the best place to meet, than a place where people specifically go to hope to "find love".  I know people very successfully meet in such other places, but for me there is something in the old cliché that it happens when you are not looking for it.

Back to The Handsome Strapping Young Man

And so we return to Ely.  Ste (for that is the said young man's name) stepped off the train and true to form gave me a huge hug.  If you read his blog you'll know he does this to people he knows, random strangers, and indeed random inanimate objects, on occasion.  Just like the other 100+ people I have met socially off Twitter, he was pretty much exactly as I imagined him to be, from talking to him and observing his Twitter persona and interactions.

Baking in MY kitchen. This is pretty bizarre.

In the past 7 weeks, despite my being abroad for 3 weeks, and his living on the other side of the country, we have somehow managed to spend a total of 17 days together.  I've just dropped him off at the station again and can't wait to see him again.  He is clever, funny (he "lmfaooooos" every 2 minutes) and has the biggest warmest heart imaginable.  He is loving, he is wise beyond his years, and he is gloriously ditsy.  I really respect what he has to say and find it so easy to talk to him for hours.  He sings, he acts, he paints, he sculpts, and he speaks French and Chinese.

HE ALSO COOKS.  If you follow me and know the abominations I serve up in my kitchen, you will understand the level of amazement I have at having had a delicious 3-course vegetarian meal cooked for me last night by him.   Most importantly, he is a dog person and my stand-offish, snooty collie @LassieOscar is already rather fond of him and gives him cuddles. "Ste from Twitter" has a magnetic personality and is quite exceptional.  I'm still a bit amazed he's in my life, and not just on Twitter.  In a nutshell.... I beam from ear to ear when I think of him.

Thank you Twitter

I love Twitter for many things.  It has enriched my life on so many fronts: provided friends, entertainment, support, information, contact to some remarkable people and many a laugh.  I really did not expect it to provide me with this though.  This blog is for you: thank you Twitter x